Sometimes They Just Don’t Want Us

It was a great lesson for my kids.  A lesson in both disappointment and maybe a little anger, albeit an important real-life lesson nonetheless.  The lesson?

Some restaurants just don’t want food-allergic customers like us.

In late August, my Boston softball team was playing a Championship game.  Two of my sons came to watch – both of whom have food allergies.  Our team won (convincingly, I might add) and decided to go out to a restaurant/pub afterwards to celebrate.  It was still summer, so the kids could stay out a little later.  What the heck.

We went to “K’s”.  [Okay, that’s not the real name of the restaurant.  I decided to withhold their name for now as I’d like to give them a 2nd chance.  It’s also not actually relevant to this message.  Regardless, the rating I gave them on the core AllergyEats site reflects our experience fully.  No pulled punches.]

K’s has an extremely long menu.  I’ve found this can be a mixed blessing for our food-allergic children.  On the one hand, more items means more potential choices that may not have their allergens.  On the other hand, more items may mean more shared equipment and oils, thus a greater chance of cross-contamination.  Of course, overriding all of this is whether or not the restaurant cares to “get it right.”  If they do, they can.

My younger son – who has allergies to peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, non-baked eggs, and dairy (though he can tolerate trace amounts of cooked dairy), as well as eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE) triggered by “more than trace” quantities of dairy – simply wanted a burger with fries.  Upon informing our waitress of his allergies and what he wanted to eat, I asked what oil they used in the fryer.  Without hesitation she said peanut oil.  I mentioned that I was surprised given how many restaurants are moving away from peanut oil given the rise of food allergies.  She then told me that they fry many other dairy products in the fryer where the fries would be made anyway.  Oh well.  Case closed.  No fries.

So how about that burger.  I asked if she knew if the bun had dairy in it.  She went and checked and said that it did.  I asked about the gluten-free buns as they often don’t.  They did too, she said.  I was surprised that she knew that off-the-cuff.  How about any other kind of bread whatsoever, I asked.  No.  Nothing.

We looked at other menu options, but in talking to her I could tell there was going to be a real or perceived problem with each.  I told her I was really disappointed that they weren’t allergy-friendly and that my boys and I would unfortunately have to go elsewhere.

What got me about the whole thing was that she seemed to know just what to say to make it uncomfortable for us to eat there.  The quick negative answers.  The undisputable knowledge of how every food product they had was too risky for my son.  The lack of effort (on a quiet night).  I had seen this movie before.  It was fishy.  I knew we weren’t welcomed there and I made it a point to share with the boys (and a few of my teammates) all the cues that told me that – non-verbal as well as verbal.  In any case, whether or not to accommodate food-allergic diners is their decision and their right, not mine.

I told the boys to wait with the team for one more minute while I went back to my car.  I wanted to pull out a brochure for the AllergyEats Food Allergy Conference for Restaurateurs to give the manager.  After all, it would be held within walking distance of the restaurant and maybe they’d welcome the education (and the opportunity to learn how to no longer lose business!).  I asked the waitress if I could see the manager and she pointed him out.  I introduced myself, told him about AllergyEats and how restaurants are rated on their allergy-friendliness for the world to see, and handed him the brochure.

Well, there must have been magic in the air that night!  Suddenly, he proclaimed that he could definitely make a burger and fries safely for my son, though it would be a basic burger [which I later found out meant no lettuce, tomato, pickles, etc. – don’t ask – I don’t get it either].  But how, I asked.  The peanut oil in the fryer means no fries.  Well, what do you know, it’s not peanut oil after all – it’s soybean oil!  And that cross-contamination with all the other dairy products?  The only dairy that goes in there – contrary (again) to what the waitress originally told me – is on the fried calamari (which they don’t they serve much of).  And as I mentioned earlier, we’re okay with trace cooked dairy.  Amazing!  The restaurant changed in a 5 minute period!  Ah, but I forgot about the hamburger buns.  Well, wouldn’t you know it – they did in fact have dairy free buns!  [Actually, they apparently didn’t, but made it a point to tell me that they had someone run to the convenience store to pick some up – somehow I wasn’t impressed.]  At this point, many of you may question why I didn’t walk away.  It was a personal, situational choice.  After my conversation with the manager, I trusted that he both knew how and would serve my son a safe meal.  In addition, it was late and there were very few other patrons, so the risk of a crazy kitchen was also not present.  But did I want to reward them after all the misinformation?  Generally I wouldn’t, but in this case it was important to me to stay with the team, so we did.

[Overall, it was very interesting to see how quickly the restaurant’s tune changed once they realized they were going to be rated on AllergyEats.  Keep that in mind, friends!]

A short while later, out came my son’s very plain hamburger and fries.  Tasted fine.  No reactions.  Nothing.

Needless to say, the manager and waitress received some constructive criticism from me.  No yelling.  No fit of rage.  No moral lecture.  Just a calm expression of disappointment – and a reminder of how they almost lost 3 customers that night and one full family of 7 for life (well frankly, that latter part is likely true anyway), not to mention that post-softball game food and drinks would also likely be moved elsewhere.  Recognize that I don’t believe it is a restaurant’s responsibility to serve food-allergic patrons (and I know there are some who disagree with this).  I’m a firm believer that it is each restaurant’s right to choose – so long as they’re upfront and straight about it.  But I also realize that business realities are going to force most restaurants over time to become allergy-friendly or risk losing customers – and dollars – to those that are.  So why not start now?!

When all was said and done, we walked away with a championship, some okay – but safe – food, and another great learning experience for my sons to take with them as they grow older and begin dining out without mom and dad.  Well worth the price of the meals!

 

Have you had a similar experience?  Do you know when a restaurant just doesn’t want to deal with your or your family’s food allergies?  Would you have handled this situation differently that I did?  Have you ever mentioned AllergyEats to a restaurant that disappointed?  Please share your thoughts and comments in the Reply box below.

 

And please remember to keep those restaurant ratings coming on the core AllergyEats website or free smartphone app!  It only takes a minute to rate a restaurant, but each new review makes AllergyEats a more valuable tool for our entire food allergy and intolerance community.

Comments

    Author:
    Andrea
    Written:


    I once went into a local diner, The Country Griddle in Flemington, NJ with my milk, tree nut, fish, and peanut allergic son. I figured at least a plain scrambled egg would be safe for him and tried to order. I explained my son’s allergies to the waitress, and she told me they have no eggs. Imagine that, a restaurant without eggs! I then asked for some fresh fruit. Again, I received the same response. I got the message loud and clear. I never went back with or without my son.

    Author:
    Lisa Musician
    Written:


    Thanks for sharing this story. I can relate because it sounds so familiar. As a matter of fact, I could have wrote the tale almost word for word. This experience has happened on more than several occasions with different restaurants (mainly chain and diners) I have learned over the years that speaking to the manager does help, however, not always. Take away from now on: I will mention AllergyEats and how it will be rated. Until I read this, I never thought of how to make “magic” and food safety work together. Thank you AllergyEats!!

    Author:
    Karen
    Written:


    Thanks for sharing. This sounds so much like what I have gone through at many restaurants. I went to a burger joint once and once I told them of my dairy, soy, tree nut and peanut allergy they pretty much told me all I could have was a dry salad… yum lettuce! All their burgers had trace soy in it, all their buns had dairy in it, and their fries… peanut oil. WOW! The trifecta! Since we already had drinks and everyone else had ordered I ordered the dry salad. Guess we won’t be going there anymore. I never thought to mention AllergyEats before but I think I might try that.

    Author:
    Tara
    Written:


    We had the same problem with our local Chili’s. We had gotten the nerve to try it out with our son (he is allergic to dairy, egg, pnut, all treenuts incl coconut). I called first, b/c I had been told they had a mgr there with knowledge of food allergies. To my surprise, she had been transferred to another restaurant out of state. So I spoke to the current mgr, who informed me that he felt uncomfortable serving our son. He even expressed his concern that since they had a new peanut butter molten chocolate cake, he would be worried that there would cross contamination with our son’s food and he would go into shock! Needless to say, we never took him there. Really sad….

    Author:
    Lori
    Written:


    I went into a TGIF’s once. My daughter has a dairy allergy… and cross contamination has not been a problem for us. Generally we don’t run into too much trouble. This place even had an Allergy Menu which lists which allergens are in every single one of their menu items. Too bad dairy was in EVERY single item. I asked to speak to a manager about maybe making some alterations like leaving off a dressing or leaving out cheese to make something dairy free. Apparently that was too much work. He went back to the kitchen once, came back and said they don’t have the packaging for each sauce and each product so they just don’t know what’s in it, and referred me back tot he Allergy Menu. Ugh… We left and have not gone back.

    Author:
    Candace
    Written:


    Great article. Good for you to educate and ask and stay calm. I am sure everyone has been to one of those restaurants where FA customers are not wanted. Please do take the time to send a letter to the owner of the restaurant and let them know how the manager handled it, both before and after the brochure. The owners need to take charge of the restaurant!

    And, is a representative signed up for the conference?

    Author:
    Judy
    Written:


    This just happened to us in Las Vegas at Baby Stacks, a local breakfast/lunch place that has just opened it’s third location that area. Like all experienced allergic eaters, I called ahead to ask about the possibility of getting an egg cooked in olive oil instead of canola – the answer… “We don’t have olive oil.” I then expressed that I wanted to be able to enjoy breakfast out with my husband (who has no allergies) and would it be possible to get something gluten free, the answer… “you can get our fruit bowl but it will cost you extra since it is an add on” but other than that no. So we went anyway on my instance and as it turned out they did have safe steamed white rice, so guess what I had… one scoop of white rice for $2.50 — The manager I spoke with on the phone made it very clear that they would rather I not eat there. No worries.. we won’t be going there again.

    Author:
    Mary Quattrone
    Written:


    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is truly a daunting experience trying to find safe foods and accommodating restaurants. I did find one, however, and it was a refreshing experience. My grand-daughter has a tree nut allergy. We went to an ice cream parlor in Wildwood,NJ (Duffers) who had a sign posted outside stating that their ice cream cannot be guaranteed to not come into contact with nuts, etc. We spoke to a manager (Regina) who personally prepared my grand- daughter’s ice cream Sunday, washed the ice cream soon, etc. Thereafter, we all enjoyed our experience in a relaxed and thankful manner. I will, however, remember to mention Allergy Eats when we are faced with difficult eating situations.

    Author:
    Patricia Ann
    Written:


    I love the whole custom of Afternoon Tea. I even belong to a ladies Tea group that meets monthly for Afternoon Tea. Over the last two years, 2 of us out of 13 have had to go gluten-free. And now several have family members who have had to do the same. These ladies have started to incorporate more and more gluten-free food items into their teatime menu’s. And the foods have been great!
    But, there are no Tea Houses around here that are willing to serve any gluten-free menu items…and this has been so disappointing. I used to go out frequently for Tea, for birthday’s, Mother’s Day, and more, but can not longer go because of the refusal of tea room owners to adapt to what is now a huge market trend. I don’t get it! How hard is it to prepare and endive leaf with a little smoked salmon, or a cucumber slice with a little dip like hummus, or a crust less quiche, or a meringue cookie, or a flourless chocolate cake, etc.
    Accommodating gluten free needs, and other allergy needs is not that hard. In my mind it’s foolish to totally reject having something to offer to the allergic community. Because, not only do the restaurants lose my business, they lose my whole family, my ladies group, my church group…etc.

    Author:
    nancy harris
    Written:


    What’s wrong with these restaurants? They could increase their customer-base?? Why do they lie? And they do lie. I cannot go out to any restaurant at this point. Garlic is a major allergen for and makes me sick. I am stuck at home.

    Author:
    Nathaniel Barre
    Written:


    I appreciate the furor of the author and comments, but hope that the FA community can stay positive and constructive. I used to serve tables for a large corporation and am painfully aware of the difficulties that popped up when an FA patron walked in. I know of large restaurant chains that do not provide comprehensive food info to their servers because if there is a change in recipe and everything is not updated they increase the risk of a lawsuit and personal culpability. I know of disorganized, poorly run kitchens whose recipes reside only in the brains of job-security minded prep-cooks that go home before the dinner shift begins. I know of restaurants where the head-chef works evenings only on Friday and Saturday. There are many reasons (one of the most common is laziness) that your server or friendly hostess isn’t accommodating to your special requests.

    Author:
    Brooke
    Written:


    My daughter was just diagnosed as having dairy and gluten allergies. As a parent, my first response after crying was to think, “what in the world can I feed her?” I then panicked as I went through my ktichen and threw out all things that had dairy or wheat (who knew there could be dairy in gluten free salami? or wheat proteins in salad dressing?); I have spoken to many friends who have told me that “after a year or two” of living their (fill in the allergen)- free lifestyle that it became second nature. That’s a huge learning curve, for our own family. However, as patrons, we’re expecting someone to be able to figure out what you or your child can eat in a matter of 10-30 seconds? If you start off a conversation that you or your family member is allergic to “x, y, z” and then ask “what can they eat?” I can only imagine a waiter or waitress’s response might be similar to mine (as a parent new to food allergies) and they might honestly not know what’s safe (many of the ingredients in chef kitchens are bought in bulk). I can also imagine a manager would not want any anaphylactic allergen responses in their restaurant, so if they’re not 100% sure about issues of potential cross-contamination or if they’re not 100% sure of the ingredients in their bulk purchased items, I’d appreciate their honestly and ehr on the side of caution and applaud them for their hesitation as opposed to having them lie or be falsely confident of their ability to serve my family. I don’t know, I”m new to this. Maybe I’ll be frustrated as I continue to have to live this lifestyle on my daughter’s behalf. But I can also understand that if I have confusion, there might be confusion on the part of someone who is not directly effected or on the lookout for allergens.

    Author:
    Morgan
    Written:


    Eating out is a trial for me. I’m a celiac who is allergic to: eggs, dairy, chicken, and anaphylactic to shellfish. Usually there is one thing on any restaurant menu I can safely eat, but at least I can go out with friends and family. The weirdest thing that happened to me was when I ordered the GF pasta the waitress asked, “Is it an allergy thing or a lifestyle choice?” I told her it was an autoimmune “thing”.

    Wanting some Thai food the other day, Hubby and I went during the after lunch lull and explained to them all my allergies. We had been to this restaurant nearly once a week before my diagnosis, so they knew us. I took my epi pen and my bottle of GF soy sauce, and asked if they could accommodate my allergies. The did, it was fantastic to go out and eat Thai food again. Even better was the owner asked me where I had bought the soy sauce, he is going to have some on hand for others like me. The waitress even pointed out what I couldn’t have on the menu, there is a lot of hidden shellfish in Thai cuisine.

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